I couldn't really think of a song that went well with this blog post so y'all get to listen to what I am listening to as I write this..(and since it is a longer post, I'll post multiple videos throughout the post)
So for my participant observer blog I chose to be a different person for a day.
For those of you who know me pretty well know that I am not usually a "shy" person nor am I usually a "quiet" person, so for an entire day I altered my usual behavior. I chose this particular aspect of my life to alter for the day because it is so different from how I usually am around people I know and even some people I don't know all that well and I knew that this was probably my best shot at getting a reaction.
So how did I become "shy" and "quiet"???? First off, I made sure to kind of separate myself in social situations, that is, I would make sure to stand at least 3 feet away from the people congregating in front of the commons before it opened at lunch and dinner, I also sat towards the back and at least 2 feet from everyone at chapter that day. I would never start a conversation, and if someone were to approach me to say hi or something I would avoid making eye contact, I spoke quietly and avoided long responses on my part. If someone were to touch me (as in a hug or putting their hand on my shoulder) I would shy away and just keep looking away. I basically kept to myself the whole day, and did not seek out social interaction. I would walk around with my head down and made sure not to make eye contact with anyone just walking by and made sure not to keep eye contact for more than 3 seconds at a time when people approached me. Not only was this hard on my part (at first at least), but it really worried a lot of people, as in someone talked to my RA and had them come check on me!!!!
The hardest part of this experience for me was basically choosing to be alone an entire day. I know that shy doesn't mean you spend a lot of time alone, but by shying away from social interaction, especially "fun" interactions I felt incredibly lonely. I do not have a roommate so usually lunch, dinner, chapter, and Thursdays in general (I have no classes that day) are when I get to just hang out with friends and its kind of a stress reliever. So, for me, the fact that the only conversations I was having that day quickly went from "Hey! How are you!?" to "Are you ok!?" and then I would say that I was in fact ok.....but NOBODY listened. It actually got quite annoying after the first 5 times. I also started feeling incredibly sad. This is an example of self-awareness theory (Duval & Wickland 1972). This theory states that when you are focused on yourself (in this case focusing on my behavior) leads to you noticing self-discrepancies, which leads to wanting to escape that self-awareness or change in behavior, and also often leads to a negative mood. I also found that because I was so focused on self-regulating when I was focusing on making sure that I was "shy" and "quiet" that I was unable to control myself in other ways. The biggest being anger. The more people kept asking me if I was OK, the angrier I got. This concept was first discovered by Muraven and Baumeister in 2000 when they stated that there is only one "reservoir" in which our self-control is stored and that the more you use it, the harder it becomes and the less effective it gets until it has a chance to "replenish".
Most people became "worried" that something was wrong based on my behavior, with many of them thinking that it had something to do with my concussion (one of my friends even told me to go to the ER). Others thought that I was just really sad and that something bad had happened. There also is the whole getting my RA involved and having my RA check on me because I was "acting really strange". Many of them tried to console me and would attempt to give me a hug, which when I pulled away REALLY worried them. People were trying to make sure I was OK all day, and as stated earlier, it got really annoying. Because I had changed my self-presentation, and my non-verbal behavior ( behavior that reveals a persons feelings without using words) and no longer fit into people's idea of who I was, they assumed something was wrong. Self-presentation is defined as strategies people use to shape what others think of them (Pontari & Schlenker 2000).
I did not like being "shy" and "quiet", even though it was just for a day, I did not feel like I was myself, I felt strange all day, and I got incredibly sad and lonely that day. The biggest thing that I took away from that day was that even the smallest of behavior changes can really affect how not only we see ourselves but how others see us as well. I also learned that (at least in my opinion) self-concept is pretty stable. While I was able to change an aspect of my self-concept it was actually incredibly difficult for me to do so. I constantly felt myself fighting myself to actually act "shy" and "quiet", and by the day I was mentally exhausted. I like who I am. I am a social person who loves social interaction. I did not like how being "shy" and "quiet" made me feel and do not believe I will ever actively work on changing to become more "shy" and "quiet".
n= 991
Duval, S. & Wickland, R.A. (1972). A theory of objective self-awareness. New York: Academic Press
Muravan, M. & Baumeister, R.F. (2000). Self-Regulation and depletion of limited resources. Does self-control resemble a muscle? Psychological Bulletin, 126, 247-259
Pontari, B.A. & Schlenker, B.R. (2000). The influence of cognitive load on self-presentation: Can cognitive busyness help as well as harm social performance? Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology. 27, 975-986
*ALL DEFINITIONS WERE PROVIDED AND ARE NOT THE IDEA OR DEFINITION OF MYSELF, I JUST COULDN'T FIND THE REFERENCE FOR THE DEFINITION*
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